FB Memories=Cry Fest

Published by Kristin on November 25, 2019

Oh man.  I have said this before and I will say it again…I have a real love/hate relationship with the “Memories” feature on Facebook.  For those of you not on FB, the memories feature is a little reminder each day of what you had posted or were tagged in on that date in years past.  I joined FB back in 2008.  I really love seeing how 11 years ago I was prepping to take the boys to the park or that we had just read a Dr. Seuess book for the 100th time. I love that, I really do.  I will admit to feeling a bit of nostalgia when I see photos like this one. It feels like just yesterday but was, in fact, more than 10 years ago!

Memories -Facebook Style

So, Facebook memories are really great but, they are also awful when you are grieving.  As some of you may know, I lost my mom back in February.  I am an only child and my father passed away when I was pregnant with the boys so, mom and I were very close.  In fact, our house has an inlaw apartment that she lived in for 6 years.   Needless to say, she was a huge part of our day.  This is why when I get the jaunty “you have memories from this day” message from Facebook I die a little inside.  Because those memories might very well include my mom.

Why is this bad you ask?  Well, because one year ago yesterday was Thanksgiving which meant our annual Thanksgiving photo.  My mom was grinning ear to ear and it was a great day.  I look at that and I see the good but I also know that 3 days after that she suffered a stroke and almost didn’t survive. That photo, in its’ blissful and beautiful oblivion, is just a sucker punch.  I know that as these photos pop up, I will continue to be reminded of all of those last times and it crushes me a bit.

I’m not a year into being an adult “orphan” (yes, that is totally a thing!) and I know time can be a wonderful healer.   I am looking forward to those times when I can stop feeling that foreboding feeling when I click on my memories for that day.  I’m sure I am not alone in this either.  For those people who have lost a loved one, gotten divorced or suffered a tragedy, those FB memories can really pack a punch.  Those little reminders can be really painful and those are the digs that are hard to brace yourself for.

The Verdict

I am sure the obvious question is why don’t I delete this feature or just not click on it. Am I a glutton for punishment?  Maybe!  I would rather think I am an optimist though.  I would like to think that next year when I click on that Thanksgiving memory of my mom I will see something different.  Her smile will still be there.  Maybe it will be easier for me to remember that she loved eating the turkey leg.  Or that she thought I made the best pie in the world.  Or that watching the parade with the kids brought out the kid in her.  Maybe I will remember how  family was the most important thing to her. Because all of those things are right there in that photo. Right now they are blocked by the sadness that I am not yet ready to shake.  But I will get there.

For those of you grieving this holiday season, I wish you peace.  I wish you the comfort of knowing that it is ok to be “not ok” just yet.  Grief has no timeline and no guidelines.  Go easy on yourself and give yourself time. If you find yourself crying over your Facebook memories one day, I hope you will remember that next year those very same memories just might make you smile.  That is my wish for you and for me.